Dominoes
by Rionadh
Summary: Just a little one shot based on current spoilers... thrown together very quickly so excuse any mistakes or general rubbishness!


Carla sat in Michelle's flat aimlessly twisting the bottom of her sleeve through her fingers. She was staring into space, shaking slightly, wanting desperately to rewind the clock. She asked herself how far she'd go back and found that she didn't know the answer. Would she go to back to before today, before she found out what Peter had been doing? Would she go back to before he cheated on her? Or would she go back to before she fell in love with him, before she met him, before she lost every bit of herself? She didn't know. All she knew is that she didn't want to feel the way she did anymore. She didn't want this life, this pain. She wanted to go back.

"Carla?"

Michelle's voice barely dragged Carla out of her mind but she did look up with something of a start.

"Carla, love, talk to me."

"It was all for nothing."

A tear ran down her cheek as she spoke. Suddenly everything was connecting in her head and she just wanted it all to stop.

"What was for nothing?"

Michelle sat down beside her best friend and ran a soothing hand down her arm. She had an awful feeling that she knew what was coming.

"Everything. Everything we went through. Everyone we hurt, everything we sacrificed. Simon, Leanne… the trial… Frank."

The shaking increased slightly at the mention of his name and Michelle knew that they were in dangerous territory. She was tempted to skip over the subject knowing that nothing she could say could make Carla understand that this hadn't been her fault, god knows she'd tried many a times before.

"Carla…"

"Don't, don't tell me I'm wrong because I'm not. Simon had his family ripped apart because I persisted in chasing his father, his father who doesn't want me."

"You can't chase someone who doesn't want to be chased."

Carla pondered that for a second. She supposed Michelle was right. Peter had been interested in her at one point. Just not now. Why? What had changed? She didn't know if she cared anymore. It was over, it was done. He'd cheated. How was she ever supposed to forget that? The back of her mind told her she was kidding herself though. It hurt so bad **because** she cared so much.

"Maybe, maybe you're right. But still. We didn't need to act on it. Leanne was my friend, Michelle. Sure we'd been through a lot, we'd had our ups and downs but she was my friend and I did that to her. This is what I get."

Something in Michelle's head almost agreed with Carla. She didn't condone cheating and she certainly hadn't approved of the way that Carla and Peter had gotten together. However she did think they were better suited than Peter and Leanne, they'd just gone about it in the wrong way. She'd been as surprised as anyone to find out that Peter had cheated, despite his track record.

"Leanne's with Nick. I think we both know that's probably what she always wanted. That's irrelevant to what's happened now."

Carla turned to face Michelle, angry now. Couldn't she see it?

"No, no it's not, Michelle. Nothing's irrelevant. It's all connected. It all runs in a straight little line, everything happens because of something in the start… it's like dominoes, it's like one falls and then… it all happens…"

Michelle was scared for Carla. She'd had a drink, too many drinks, she hadn't seen her like this since December when she and Peter had come back from LA. Now she was rambling, not making much sense but what could she do for her? She couldn't make it ok. The one person who could do that for her was the one person who couldn't any more.

"Carla, please, stop torturing yourself."

"He gave up his family, I thought that meant something. And me… I gave up the trial, Michelle. I know that wasn't his fault, I know he didn't make me lose it but he said we'd be together forever and I believed that. Oh god, I sound like a teenager, I know that. But he made me feel like a teenager… no wait, scratch that. He made me **feel** again. Why? Why make me feel again just to make me feel so much pain?"

Michelle was reminded of the Carla that she was confronted with when she returned from the cruise. Defeated. She knew it was Peter that had helped her through that, she didn't know what would work now.

"I don't know, love. I really don't know. He's an idiot, I'm sure he knows that himself. You did nothing but good for him."

"I didn't though, did I? I smothered him. I made his life difficult because he wasn't in control of it. I was in control. But I… I needed that, Michelle. That's selfish though, isn't it? I just… I'd already given up so much, he knows that… he knows…"

"Knows what?"

Carla tried to steady her mind, her thoughts, stop them jumbling up inside her head but she couldn't. The wine had put paid to that. And the vodka. Even that reminded her of Peter. She was never going to be able to forget him.

"He knows that there was nothing left of me, Michelle. After Frank, after… after the rape. He knows. He knows that I wouldn't have gotten through that without him. He knows that he helped build me back up, that I'd still be at the bottom rung of the ladder had it not been for him."

"I don't believe that, Carla. You're underestimating yourself. I know Peter was there for you, I know he helped you, but you're strong. You got through what Frank did to you by yourself, through sheer strength of will."

Carla looked at Michelle once more and this time she almost laughed at the expression she was faced with.

"You don't even believe that yourself, do you? I don't think I'd be here, I really don't. I would have tried to kill myself again and maybe this time I'd have succeeded. Maybe I wouldn't have called him. Maybe I wouldn't have called anyone. Maybe that would have been better."

"Hey, hey, don't you say that. There's more to you than Peter Barlow, Carla. Don't let him win."

"He's won already… they all have. I just feel… empty. Frank… he, he took away everything that I had. Everything. And Peter, he gave me it back. Now, now he's ripped it away from me again and I just, I can't, Michelle… I don't know what to do."

Michelle enveloped her friend in a hug and prayed that she would be enough for her.


End file.
